It's no secret that I have been rejected from my top university programs, twice! And I am not ashamed to admit that I have had moments where my anxiety clouded my vision, causing me to sink at times. Despite my unrest, scripture always gave me an answer to God’s heart for me. The truth of God’s heart for me helped me hold fast, and take hold of Christ, providing me with peace.
In my previous blog, I spoke about how my grade 12 academics challenged me significantly. Even though I prayed for God to provide the right program for me to apply to, I was overly confident that my work ethic would ensure a spot at my top program. When a message read back to me…”Dear Danielle, we regret to inform you…” I sat facing rejection for one of the first times in my life. I turned to my own strengths trying to shove the discomfort away, looking at online admission forums and reassuring myself of my remaining program options.
In my grief, I eventually returned to my daily devotions in the Psalms. While reading one devotional, Psalm 94:17-19 gave me peace. Despite my sorrow, I believed that God was present in his steadfast love and help, preparing his plan beyond my season of rejection.
If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence. 18 When I thought, “My foot slips,” your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. 19 When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. - Psalm 17-19
And God did provide, and he reminded me that in an imperfect world, peace can coincide with grief! After being admitted to the University of Toronto, I knew that the rejection from my top program meant that God had redirected me elsewhere. To his better plan. However, whenever storms came around, I tried to fabricate my own peace.
My graduate degree program plans became my fabricated peace. I found my confidence from being on track to apply for an “accelerated” Master’s program that I thought would be the answer to my anxiety and uncertainty. Surely, if I knew where I was going, I could control how much worry I felt. Even with what I thought was a perfect application, God knew how to take hold of me.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21
Despite having the perfect application, I was suddenly stopped by a key admissions coordinator who flagged my application and questioned my intention to pursue the program. I believe this was a direction from God who invited me to see him amidst the storm. My method of finding peace was challenged. I no longer needed to stand on the conditions of my circumstances, but in the conviction to trust God’s plans. It was a sudden new glorious epiphany - peace did not have to begin when my problems ceased.
After returning to prayer, and in discerning, I gained the clarity to pass on the last step to discontinue my admission intentionally - essentially “rejecting myself.”
While on the PRAXIS Edmonton 2024 mission trip,
I received my rejection letter from UofT and wrote some reflections.
25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. Matthew 7:25
Despite the rejection, God was shaping and growing me to trust him in faith even when the wind and waves seemed to stagger my steps. I realized the plans I had formed for myself were not in God’s will for me. As I walked closer to Jesus, I began to sense his direction for my next steps, in providing pathways to an entirely different career where I could love God most and serve others well. That was when I grew to understand that so long as I have Jesus - I have peace, he will give me himself and I can have peace.
You Are Not Alone in The Fire!
Believe it or not, worry and doubt are common emotions to experience during seasons of transition, but they do not have to be a constant reality. 2025 Next Step Scholars expressed feeling fearful, anxious, and tired in their seasons of transition, but they also expressed trust in God and his plans for them.
Jacquline shares how anxiety is present during big changes. She says, “I just pray that I will be able to adapt to all of the big changes that are coming and that I can transition smoothly into university life despite my anxieties.” (6)
Simone reflects that “[Faith] keeps me grounded when things get messy, reminds me I’m not alone, and helps me trust the process—even when I don’t have all the answers. (75)
Odette reminisces how “In the past 4 years, God has worked a lot on me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I've come to appreciate and understand why it is important to go through the fire". “(26)
If these statements offer any comfort, it is that you are not alone in the fire. You may be challenged in different ways. It might be worrying about whether you might hear back from a round of school admissions, or how you might adjust to living alone for the first time. In your worry, it is important to build your foundation of truth and your spaces of faithful fellowship.
When We Face The Impossible - How Can We Have Peace?
During transitions where anxiety, the fear of rejection, and the onset of mental health challenges may constantly dwell in your mind, you might find yourself prone to doubt. While you may feel alone in facing your “impossible storm.”
I encourage you to look to scripture in Matthew 14 as it records Peter’s miraculous attempt to walk on water towards Jesus, both in fear and in faith. Basically being challenged to do the impossible he shows us a perfect example of how we can have peace amidst the storm.
In verse 30-31 it says this…
30 But when he saw the wind,[e] he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”
How can we have peace? Well, the simple truth is that we can have Jesus - who is himself peace. Jesus invites us in our fear and doubting, to simply call on him, and he promises to do the impossible. He promises to hold us secure and give us perfect peace.
We can be reminded of these truths not just in scripture, but in communities, fellowships, and resources that help us hold fast to Jesus. Here are some below!
Every year the University of Toronto hosts a week-long conference series called RELEVANT, where speakers provide Biblical insight into life’s biggest questions. This January, psychotherapist Sana Watts provided a talk on anxiety and hope. Click here to preview her talk and some exercises she has to help ground us in faith. Anxiety & Search for Hope: Is God Really with Us? - Monday January 12, 2026
For worried parents, Life Architects provides monthly blogs where they discuss the complexity of faith during the pre-university season. Read about their short answers to addressing success. https://www.lifearchitectscoaching.com/blog-1/must-your-child-attend-an-elite-university-to-build-a-successful-life
At P2C-Students, they discuss real people’s struggles with fear and anxiety. Read about Cassandra’s reflections on trusting God in the darkness - https://p2cstudents.com/articles/when-just-stop-worrying-doesnt-stop-anxiety. Or read about Sarah’s story on finding freedom from fear https://p2cstudents.com/articles/how-do-i-find-freedom-from-the-need-to-be-amazing.
Image References:
Peter Walks On Water - taken from https://flic.kr/p/bEb2Qk
Bonfire - taken from https://pixabay.com/photos/bonfire-camping-people-fire-1867275/